i found this artist recently through pandora and found myself thumbing up every song of hers that came up, so i bought her album last night.
i really like the sound of her "ashes and wine" song so as i always do, i listened closer to the lyrics. i can identify with this section from the song.
all the same, i don’t want mud-slinging games
it’s just a shame to let you walk away is there a chance,
a fragment of light
at the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight
is there a chance you may change your mind or are we ashes and wine?
recently i've found myself begging for some hope of reconciliation in the relationships in my life that seem to stay torn no matter what i do. no matter how much i want things to be better. there's not much i can do if the other party doesn't want it. i guess i just need to accept it. but it just hurts.
i dedicate this song to a friend of mine. you know who you are...
you will be ok dear, i know it. you are strong. you are beautiful. you are wanted. and most of all, you are loved. all this is temporary. the broken parts will come together again someday. i promise.
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok I just want to be ok today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today I just want to feel something today
Open me up and you will see I'm a gallery of broken hearts I'm beyond repair, let me be And give me back my broken parts
I just want to know today, know today, know today I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today Know that maybe I will be ok
Just give me back my pieces Just give them back to me please Just give me back my pieces And let me hold my broken parts
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok I just want to be ok today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today Know that maybe I will be ok
One of these days the sky's gonna break And everything will escape and I'll know One of these days the mountains Are gonna fall into the sea and they'll know That you and I were made for this I was made to taste your kiss We were made to never fall away Never fall away
One of these days letters are gonna Fall from the sky telling us all to go free But until that day I'll find a way To let everybody know that you're coming back You're coming back for me
'Cause even though you left me here I have nothing left to fear These are only walls that hold me here Hold me here, hold me here
One day soon I'll hold you Like the sun holds the moon And we will hear those planes overhead And we won't have to be scared We won't have to be scared We won't have to be scared
I don't know your face, no more Or feel the touch, that I adore I don't know your face, no more It's just the place, I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers, in another town We might as well be living, in a different world We might as well
I don't know your thoughts these days We're strangers in, an empty space I don't understand your heart It's easier, to be apart
We might as well be strangers in another town We might as well be living in another time We might as well
For all I know of you now
Keane: We Might As Well Be Strangers Album: Hopes and Fears
i've had quite a few moments where i had things to blog or work through. but the absence of quick, timely, easy access to a computer...... na. not really. just laziness, kept me from updating. and doesn't a stubborn laziness keep us from doing most things that should be done?
this song seems to be about a relationship between two people that have grown apart. for me, right now, it symbolizes and describes how i feel about a few people (friends and family) currently. it's funny how people change over the years. and how quickly they can become someone you don't know. part of me though wonders if it wasn't them at all, but me that changed. or was somewhat blinded by the desire to see them as "perfect." i don't know why, but i'm always deeply wounded in watching my friends experience the part of their humanity that is ugly. i'm tempted to run away, even when that is exactly what i try and tell them not to do. ya, mine is not the same ugliness as theirs, but who am i to think mine is somehow better or less ugly? my ugliness is the same. that is the truth.
the challenge for me is to love no matter what. and not run away. not avoid. not divert. just slowly and surely walk right through the ugliness. even if they seem like strangers, and not the people i knew before... my challenge is to stay. my challenge is to see people in their humanity. all the time. not just when their making the decisions i think they should. maybe even the decisions that i know are right. my challenge is to rely on Him. and trust. fully.
my weakness is... pride ignorance stubbornness cowardness delusion drama
i am the stranger. my challenge is to see me. as i really am. not as i'd like to see myself.
the stranger is me. the Truth is calling me. and i run away.
There’s one way out and one way in Back to the beginning There’s one way back to home again To where i feel forgiven What is this i feel, why is it so real What am i to say
It’s only love, it’s only pain It’s only fear, that run through my veins It’s all the things we can’t explain That make us human
I am just an image of something so much greater I am just a picture frame, I am not the painter Where do i begin, can i shed this skin What is this i feel within
we sang this song at ascent tonight. this is exactly how i feel. lost and tired. i wonder sometimes if some people are just prone to feel things deeper and longer than others. i think i'm one of them. and i think i've been holding on. holding on so strong my knuckles are white. i can't say i know what i've been holding onto, but i have. and i can tell because it's making me tired. i feel broken down by failed attempts at making things right in relationships that just aren't going the way i feel they should. broken down and tired by things i can't change. broken down by brokenness. but i'm a fighter. and i'm incredibly stubborn. so i keep holding on.
maybe all i need to do is nothing. stop fighting. stop holding on. stop trying. stop fixing. stop keeping it together. and just let the light shine in.
I've been holding on I've been holding on All that is inside me Screams to come back home
If you feel lost If you feel lost Sing along If you feel tired If you feel tired Sing along
If you feel lost and tired This is your song
I've been broken down I've been broken down I ain't giving up Love will come back around
Shine Your light Shine it down on us Let Your rescue come for us We long to love
Shine Your light Shine it down on us Let Your rescue come for us now
And if you feel lost, sing along And if you feel tired, sing along
Oh my God Shine Your light on us That we might live
it's amazing to me how two consecutive days can feel so very different from each other. i constantly go in and out of this...
Feeling like i can't forgive but i want to It's like i don't know how to live i'm afraid to I used to think take them as they come without hesitations no Now it's like my head is filled with lies and persuasions
As the sun begins to fall i hear her calling out to me she's sayin' hurry it's one more day gone
What i wouldn't give just to forget So i can remember how to live again I wanna live again
I am feeling dissonant and distracted The toxic chemicals are spilling in my head and they're bleeding deadly reactions
And as the moon begins to rise he shows me all the colors that i'm hiding i'm hiding myself
What i wouldn't give just to forget What i wouldn't give to get some rest So i can remember how to live again I wanna live again
Am i desperately losing this fight When i should really be choosing my flight Take me now
What i wouldn't give just to forget What i wouldn't give to get some rest So i can remember how to live again I wanna live again
What i wouldn't give just to forget What i wouldn't give to get some rest What i wouldn't give just to forget So i can remember how to live
every time i listen to this song i wanna cry. the very guts of my soul wishes i could say this of my mom. there've been other "mom" tribute songs out there i've heard. i even dedicated one of those "mom" songs to my mother in law who's been the best mom i could ever ask for. but this one is different. beth hart's voice does something to me. i don't know how to explain it. when i listen to this song my heart longs for a past i will never, ever call my own. my reality is a past without a mom like this. i only hope i can learn from all that and be this song for my children someday.
Mother may I, and I would say Yes sweet baby take it away It won't be long Just just remember That powerful is the woman in you And stay true now And she'd come to me When fire & water was gone To caress the empty with a song Saying why cry for anger That bullet the sky Just remember And I'll remember mama I'll get by
And I know my face Seems crazed & wild But I got her eyes The mama's child am I She's blessed with grace Is smooth as a line And when I shade She helps me shine And she comes to me when there's nothing I believe And holds me so high yes I am free Saying why hold the anger It won't let you fly Just remember And I'll remember Cause mama, mama I'll get by
Confused by my own illusion She said that it's only my pride And even the simplest solutions Still won't heal my mind So I'll remember I'll remember I'll get by ~Beth Hart - Screamin' For My Supper Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
Racing on a faultline Bracing for a landslide Conscious of everything getting harder As the race goes underwater I keep stalling out I just can't keep up There's alarming doubt Am I good enough? But you keep coming around to convince me It's still far from over ~Mute Math - Stall Out Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
i've become increasingly aware lately of all my inadequacy, insecurities, doubts, and a myriad of others. it's not a fun place to be. all i want to do is retreat. hide. runaway. but i know i shouldn't. actually, reality tells me i can't. sometimes i hate reality.
Complication's my claim to fame And I can’t believe there’s another Constantly just another I can’t avoid what I can’t control And I’m losing ground Still I can’t stand down And I know, yeah I know, yeah
I know you stay true when my world is false And everything around is making time a chaos I always seek you when my sight is lost And everything around is making time a chaos
It’s hard to trust anyone again After all the letdowns I’ve been through Haunted by what I’ve been through Best to try while I still can breathe And I’m screaming out Give me hope somehow And I know, yeah I know, yeah
I know you stay true when my world is false And everything around is making time a chaos I always seek you when my sight is lost And everything around is making time a chaos ~Mute Math - Chaos Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
we had the entire week of christmas off this year. i'm the one that likes to sleep in, nate likes to get up early and he's constantly working on something. and it's usually something he thinks he supposed to do, not something fun. it seems like it's constantly raining here in the northwest as well. i like slow mornings where i don't have to rush, i can stay in my pj's and have a nice pancake or waffle breakfast with my family. those moments are few and far between but i can always be assured i will get just that every christmas at least. and i did this year too and it was wonderful. (except omelettes instead of waffles) nate, tony and i spent the night at nate's parents and woke up ready to eat freshly-made cinnamon rolls and omelettes.
Can’t you see it’s just raining? There ain’t no need to go outside But baby you hardly even notice When I try to show you this Song it’s meant to keep you From doing what you’re supposed to Like waking up too early Maybe we could sleep in I’ll make you banana pancakes Pretend like it’s the weekend now And we could pretend it all the time Can’t you see that it’s just raining There ain’t no need to go outside But just maybe, hala ka ukulele Mama made a baby I really don’t mind the practice Because you’re my little lady Lady, lady love me Because I love to lay here lazy We could close the curtains Pretend like there’s no world outside And we could pretend it all the time Can’t you see that it’s just raining There ain’t no need to go outside Ain’t no need, ain’t no need Can’t you see, can’t you see Rain all day and I don’t mind Telephone singing, ringing, it’s too early Don’t pick it up We don’t need to We got everything we need right here And everything we need is enough It’s just so easy When the whole world fits inside of your arms Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm Wake up slow, wake up slow But baby, you hardly even notice When I try to show you this Song it’s meant to keep you From doing what you’re supposed to Like waking up too early Maybe we could sleep in I’ll make you banana pancakes Pretend like it’s the weekend now And we could pretend it all the time Can’t you see that it’s just raining There ain’t no need to go outside Ain’t no need, ain’t no need Rain all day and I really really really don’t mind Can’t you see, can’t you see We’ve got to wake up slow ~Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
then came the presents! this is some of what i got for christmas...
so, in the spirit of christmas, i was going to post the song "wishlist" from this album however, this song fits a little better currently. if you've never listened to this album, you're missing out. in my opinion it's the best ever from peal jam. love it, love it.
Here's a token of my openness Of my need to not disappear How I'm feeling, so revealing to me I found my mind too clear I just need someone to be there for.. me I just want someone to be there for.. me
All the static in my attic-a Shoots down my sciatic nerve To the ocean of my platitudes Longitudes, latitudes, it's so absurd I just need someone to be there for.. I just want someone to be there for.. Someone to be there for..
'Cause I'll stop trying to make a difference I'm not trying to make a difference I'll stop trying to make a difference No way
Ooh, let's call in an angel
'Cause I'll stop trying to make a difference I'm not trying to make a difference I'll stop trying to make a difference No way 'Cause I'll stop trying to make a difference I'm not trying to make a difference I'll stop trying to make a difference No way No way, no way Let's call in an angel Who's calling an angel?
I must express the way it feels to write all day without a care Conversation and a coffee I wanna talk about the good things in my life I wanna try to be alright I can care about the way love makes me feel I can care about the good things that are real I don't wanna have to think about the ways that I'm so bad I don't wanna have to think about the things that make me sad Do I?
There are things that make me smile everyday The jokes we play The funny things we say There's nothing like the joy they could see in my eyes When I think about the man in my life I can care about the way he makes me feel I can care because his love makes me feel real I don't wanna have to think about the ways that will be bad I don't wanna have to think about the days that will be sad Do I?
these lyrics are how i feel now. and how convenient for the song title to be my name. and spelled right. but that's beside the point. i've been rolling different thoughts around in my head for a while now. like how much i love my job. like how my work life, home life and family life all bleed together so nicely. "alone is no way to live" and i agree. "this feeling it don't happen by yourself" and i agree. "we could love...we can love...one another" and i agree. and i'd like to add that all this happens while i'm busy, busy, people say too busy working at that church. oh, i feel a rant coming on. yes. i do work a lot. but i love what i do. and tony loves being here. he's apart of our work life, home life and family life. we do it all together. all of it. (ok, i guess that was just a short rant. maybe more on that later.) oh, and we get to go to another citizen cope concert in october! it should be great. especially since his new album just came out. should be cool to hear some of his new tunes live.
Breathing Don't happen By yourself Alone Is no Way to live This feeling It don't happen By yourself Alone Is no Way to live We could love We can love One another We could love We can love One another We could love
i've been in a blogging funk lately. not wanting to post on anything, not feeling i have anything to post about. feeling insecure, feeling overconfident, feeling gipped, feeling extremely blessed, feeling messed up. feeling like i don't have much to offer but i know it's not true and even if it were, that would still be enough. just a funk. dustin is a friend of mine and his song "all i've got" simply fits me right now.
sometimes i say too much and sometimes i don't say enough sometimes i hurt the ones that you all know i'd like to love and sometimes i just give in when i know that i shouldn't sometimes i'm too afraid sometime it's just too late
this is all i've got it's all i am all i've got it's all for you
every now and then i lie when i wanna tell the truth sometimes i run so hard all i want's to be with you sometimes i feel like you're not there when you say you're everywhere sometimes i'm too afraid sometimes it's just too late
this is all that i've got this is all that i've got this is all that i've got and it's all for you
and if i tell you that i love you do you love me can you hear me can you hear me if i tell you that i need you do you want me can you hear me calling out
i think of all the price you paid i pray thee lord my soul to take every time i pray every time
this is all i've got it's all i am all i've got it's all for you ~Ruth - Ruth EP Click here to listen to it from mySpace.
"Sam: You're in it right now, aren't you? Andrew Largeman: What? Sam: My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it." ~Garden State
...ya, i'm in it right now...
Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay There's always one reason To feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be empty And weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference Escaping one last time It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fear You are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverie You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there You're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort here ~Sarah McLachlan - Angel Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
Limb by limb and tooth by tooth Tearing up inside of me. Everyday, everyhour, wish that I was.. was Bullet Proof
Wax me, mould me Heat the pins and stab them in. You have turned me into this, just wish that it.. was Bullet Proof
So pay me money, and take a shot Lead fill the hole in me. I could burst a million bubbles, all surrogate.. & Bullet Proof (slowdown, slowdown, slowdown) Bullet Proof (slowdown, slowdown, slowdown) ~Radiohead - Bullet Proof (itunes doesn't have Radiohead...the bastards!)
i could listen to this song over and over again for forever and a day and not get tired of it. i've loved it since the moment i heard it the first time way back when... some may say it's depressing. to me - it's a declaration. a declaration that no matter what's going on, i make a choice everyday who i want to be. i make a choice to be who He wants me to be. who He designed me to be. despite everything. despite the fact that everyone else has deserted. despite the fact that i have no idea where i'm going or what i'm doing in this life. i make a choice to follow and trust the One who put me here. the One who sees me. all of me. wholly me. and tells me everyday that He won't give up on me. i will believe. i choose to believe this is true.
thank you sarah for finding it for me again. i needed this.
Come to me now And lay your hands over me Even if it's a lie Say it will be alright And I shall believe
I'm broken in two And I know you're on to me That I only come home When I'm so all alone But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way You think it ought to be It seems like every time I try to make it right It all comes down on me Please say honestly you won't give up on me And I shall believe And I shall believe
Open the door And show me your face tonight I know it's true No one heals me like you And you hold the key
Never again would I turn away from you I'm so heavy tonight But your love is alright And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way You think it ought to be It seems like every time I try to make it right It all comes down on me Please say honestly You won't give up on me And I shall believe I shall believe And I shall believe ~Sheryl Crow - I Shall Believe Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
i'm so ready to be done with this. all of this. i've gotta write a letter. i've been avoiding it like i did my homework in college. i'm even avoiding it now as i blog about having to do it.
"I don't know Only God knows where the story ends for me But I know where the story begins It's up to us to choose Whether we win or loose And I choose to win"
and i'm writing this letter to officially state, in writing, that my boundaries will not be crossed. i'm writing to make those boundaries absolutely clear. so there's no wondering. no question. and then, when the time comes - if it didn't work out it won't be because i chose for it not to work - it'll be because my boundaries were constantly and continually challenged and crossed. i'm not going to do it anymore. and i'm going to make it absolutely clear, what it takes to be in relationship with me. and it's an easy choice. you make the choice or you refuse. "no more games." no more roller coaster. i'm done.
You go your way, I go mine No more, no more I wanna be free I'm so tired, so tired of this drama
Broken heart again Another lesson learned Better know your friends Or else you will get burn Gotta count on me Cause I can guarantee That I'll be fine
No more pain (no more pain) No more pain (no more pain) No drama (no more drama in my life) Noone's gonna make me hurt again
Why'd I play the fool Go through ups and downs Knowing all the time You wouldn't be around Or maybe I liked the stress Cause I was young and restless But that was long ago I don't wanna cry no more
No more pain (no more pain) No more game (no more game messin with my mind) No drama (no more drama in my life) Nooone's gonna make me hurt again No more tears (no more tears, I'm tired of cryin every night) No more fears (no more fears, I really don't wanna cry) No drama (no more drama in my life) I don't ever wanna hurt again Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind
Uh, it feel so good When you let go Of all the drama in your life Now you're free from all the pain Free from all the game Free from all the stress So find your happiness
I don't know Only God knows where the story ends for me But I know where the story begins It's up to us to choose Whether we win or loose And I choose to win
No more pain (no more pain) (tired of hurting) No more game (tired of your playin' game with my mind) No drama (no more drama in my life) No more, no more, No more, no more No more tears (no more tears, no more cryin every night) No more fears (no more waking be up in the morning with your disturbin' phone calls leave me alone) No drama, no more in my life No more drama in my life So tired, tired of this drama ~Mary J Blige - No More Drama Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
when you read these lyrics you must listen to the song at the same time. go here to download the song for free.... then listen while reading.
Oh my baby, when you're older Maybe then you'll understand You have angels to dance around your shoulders Cause at times in life you'll need a helping hand
Oh my baby, when you're prayin' Leave your burden by my door You have Jesus standing at your bedside To Keep you calm, keep you safe away from harm
Worry not my daughters Worry not my sons Child, when life don't seem worth living Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms
Oh my baby, when you're cryin' Never hide your face from me I have conquered hell and driven out the demons I have come with the light to set you free
Oh my baby, when you're dyin' Believe the healing of His hand Here in heaven we will wait for your arrival Here in heaven you will finally understand Here in heaven we will wait for your arrival Here in heaven you will finally understand
Worry not my daughters Worry not my sons Child, when life don't seem worth livin' Come to Jesus and let Him hold you in His arms ~Mindy Smith - Come to Jesus Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.
Many, O LORD my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered. Psalm 40:5 (NIV) (emphasis added)
