virginia tech

this weekend at church the message was on 1 Chronicles 21:1-27. The part of the story of King David's life when he was leading his people incorrectly and they followed. to sum it up, David chose to rely on his own resources and take a census to see what he could do to protect himself instead of relying wholly on God. it all started in verse one where it says:

"Satan rose up against Israel and incited David to take a census of Israel."

after yesterday and the killings at virginia tech i am reminded how much i do indeed and truly believe that satan exists and is opposed to each and every one of us, personally.

then after David realized he'd made a big mistake, he cries out to God...

“I am in deep distress. Let me fall into the hands of the LORD, for His mercy is very great; but do not let me fall into the hands of men.”
1 Chronicles 21:13

beautiful. when i read that passage it hit me. David knew God personally. David knew that even though he'd screwed up he would still rather be put back in the hands of God to recieve whatever consequences were coming then have God put him into "the hands of men." God even gave David three choices. 3 years of famine. 3 months of being attached and killed by enemies, or 3 days of the "sword of the LORD". just think about that for a minute. he chose the "sword of the LORD". the LORD he knew and believed created heaven and earth, the LORD he knew could inflict way more pain and suffering on him than any human being. yet because he knew God personally. he knew "His mercy is very great;..." and he knew God could but would not harm him as much as men could and would.

and to me the virginia tech killings remind me of how true i feel that is. and how much we're all very, terribly and horribly broken. and I'm one of them.

Lord, I want to go home. i don't want to experience any more pain. i don't want to see any more pain. and i don't want to cause any more pain. how much longer do we have to stay here?