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this is dummy text for a dummy post while i wait for blogger support to get back to me. i switched to the new google/blogger. then, accidentally deleted the google account that had my gmail account as my blogger username and email attached to it. and now it's gone. so i'm now currently trying to get it all back through blogger suppport. you can track my progess here.

mother

every time i listen to this song i wanna cry. the very guts of my soul wishes i could say this of my mom. there've been other "mom" tribute songs out there i've heard. i even dedicated one of those "mom" songs to my mother in law who's been the best mom i could ever ask for. but this one is different. beth hart's voice does something to me. i don't know how to explain it. when i listen to this song my heart longs for a past i will never, ever call my own. my reality is a past without a mom like this. i only hope i can learn from all that and be this song for my children someday.

Mother may I, and I would say
Yes sweet baby take it away
It won't be long
Just just remember
That powerful is the woman in you
And stay true now
And she'd come to me
When fire & water was gone
To caress the empty with a song
Saying why cry for anger
That bullet the sky
Just remember
And I'll remember mama
I'll get by

And I know my face
Seems crazed & wild
But I got her eyes
The mama's child am I
She's blessed with grace
Is smooth as a line
And when I shade
She helps me shine
And she comes to me
when there's nothing I believe
And holds me so high yes I am free
Saying why hold the anger
It won't let you fly
Just remember
And I'll remember
Cause mama, mama
I'll get by

Confused by my own illusion
She said that it's only my pride
And even the simplest solutions
Still won't heal my mind
So I'll remember
I'll remember
I'll get by
~Beth Hart - Screamin' For My Supper
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

*sigh*

Racing on a faultline
Bracing for a landslide
Conscious of everything getting harder
As the race goes underwater

I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
to convince me
It's still far from over
~Mute Math - Stall Out
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

i've become increasingly aware lately of all my inadequacy, insecurities, doubts, and a myriad of others. it's not a fun place to be. all i want to do is retreat. hide. runaway. but i know i shouldn't. actually, reality tells me i can't. sometimes i hate reality.